How To Annoy Platform Partisans

I've been evolving a pet theory of mine regarding pie-in-the-sky platform partisans who will always be in a state of denial and never be able to agree to their pet platform's failings, and I think I can summarize how to press each faction's buttons like so:

  • Want to annoy Windows fanboys? Point out that Vista and Office 2007 have lifted just about every single visual and interaction design feature from Mac OS X, without actually fixing anything. For extra brownie points, single out the 16-color NT 3.1 icons that are still floating around.
  • Want to annoy Mac fanboys? Point out the MacBook hardware issues, write about installing Vista on a Mac, or, for an unbeatable mass reaction, just be John Dvorak (video via Gruber).
  • Want to annoy Linux fanboys? Just say the truth about how lame the GIMP UI really is, or how Ubuntu still hasn't reached the overall level of polish that Fedora has had for years. If you feel like tweaking a different knob, point out that Fedora's laptop support still sucks rocks.
  • Want to annoy Sun fanboys? Muse about the SPARC hardware roadmap, ask them when they are going to start re-selling re-branded Dells, or write about how Solaris doesn't use statically compiled binaries in /sbin (which, as pfig pointed out to me, is a great way to ensure a reinstall if your /lib gets hosed).

And don't you dare write about there being oh, only about a dozen Amiga fans left.

Note: Comments from people who fail to see this as a joke will be summarily removed. If you have problems with any of this, get your own blog and vent there.