Translation From PR-Speak to English of Selected Portions of Microsoft's Piece Regarding Their Alliance With Sun

Microsoft Corp. (Nasdaq “MSFT”) and Sun Microsystems Inc. (Nasdaq “JAVA”) today announced that Sun has signed on as a Windows Server OEM.

Bill s3z, “w3 0wn j00!”

Additionally, Sun and Microsoft will collaborate to further enable deployment of Windows Server on Sun x64 systems.

There Will Eventually Be Only One Server OS. It’s only a matter of time.

“Today’s announcement is another example of Microsoft’s commitment to 64-bit computing,” said Bob Muglia, senior vice president, Server and Tools Business at Microsoft.

“I am as high as a kite”, said Bob.

“The Sun hardware platform is an excellent foundation for Windows-based enterprise solutions such as Microsoft Virtual Server, Microsoft SQL Server, Microsoft Exchange Server and Microsoft Internet Protocol Television (IPTV) Edition. Our customers will have an additional choice of Windows Server OEM partners with Sun.”

“You can now buy purple servers and keep paying us license fees.”

“Sun is now a single source for today’s leading operating systems – Solaris and Windows – on the industry’s most innovative x64 systems and storage products.

“Sun now has to dogfood two kinds of operating systems. And like it.

Customers can now take advantage of the virtualization benefits of Windows and Solaris on Sun’s energy-efficient x64 systems,” said John Fowler, executive vice president, Systems Group, Sun Microsystems. “Microsoft’s recognition of our x64 systems and storage is a testament to the superior system design at the heart of our product portfolio.”

“That x64 crap was the only thing we could salvage from our glory days,” said John.

Key components in today’s announcement include:

Our terms for surrender were:

  • Windows Server OEM agreement. Sun will offer Windows Server on their x64 hardware and will provide additional utilities and value-added software offerings to server systems carrying Windows Server. Windows Server 2003 will be available on Sun x64 systems within 90 days.
  • Sun has to get their boxes to run our software in 90 days, or else.

  • Sun x64 systems and storage. Microsoft recognizes Sun’s compelling x64 server and storage products in the market today. Microsoft and Sun will continue to work together to test and validate the Windows platform on these systems for scale-up enterprise computing.
  • Their hardware works better than HP’s, so IIS won’t crash as much. We hope.

  • Solaris and Windows virtualization. Sun and Microsoft will work together to ensure that Solaris runs well as a guest on Microsoft virtualization technologies and that Windows Server runs well as a guest in Sun’s virtualization technologies.
  • You get to pick who’s on top.

  • Expanded IPTV partnership. Sun and Microsoft will continue to collaborate to advance the worldwide deployment of the Microsoft Mediaroom IPTV and multimedia platform on Sun server and storage systems. AT&T U-verse digital TV offering has chosen Sun for one of world’s largest deployments of the Microsoft Mediaroom platform, which includes server and client software. The combination of Sun’s server solutions and Microsoft’s TV software technology and expertise is expected to speed time to market for IPTV services, while providing superior cost and performance characteristics for communications service providers worldwide.
  • We couldn’t swing the AT&T deal without putting up with Sun hardware, so we want to make sure we can shift the blame if things go wrong, and split the bill if things go right.

  • Expanded investment in interoperability. Microsoft and Sun will build an Interoperability Center on Microsoft’s Redmond campus.
  • We will take hostages to make sure everything goes smoothly.

The center will include a demonstration area for Sun x64 systems, act as a working lab for Windows on Sun benchmarks and sales tools, and support customers running proofs of concept for projects focused on Windows on Sun x64 systems, including joint Sun/Microsoft solutions in areas such as databases, e-mail and messaging, virtualization, and Remote Desktop Protocol (RDP) support in Sun Ray thin clients.

There will be a room full of blinking lights. And Minesweeper will make it to the Sun Rays at last.

The Interoperability Center will expand Sun’s presence on the Microsoft main campus, adding to existing Sun systems showcased and customer-tested in the Microsoft Enterprise Engineering Center.

We don’t have to hide the fact that we’ve had to buy Sun hardware to benchmark our stuff anymore.

This continued investment in interoperability builds on the initial cooperation agreement between the two companies, initiated in April 2004.

We’ve been threatening IBM with this for years now.

Since then Microsoft and Sun have collaborated on interoperability for Web services, identity management, thin clients, systems management and Windows Server engineering.

All that mudslinging in the press was just for fun.

Sun offers Windows Server installation and staging services through its Customer Ready Systems program, providing support for customers with more advanced pre-integration and testing needs. The two companies have also created a basis for tighter interoperability between Platform Enterprise Edition (Java EE), the Microsoft .NET Framework 3.0 and Windows Communication Foundation in Sun’s Web services interoperability technologies (called Project Tango). Sun is also a founding member of the Microsoft Interop Vendor Alliance and a Microsoft Gold Certified Partner.

Nobody really cares about Java anymore – we’re re-enacting the Last Tango in Paris with it and .NET in the lead roles.